Stop being so damn nice.
Do you consider yourself a nice guy? Are you a people pleaser? Someone that has a hard time saying no? If so, you might be a super beta male.
There is a fine line between being nice and being too nice. Don’t get taken advantage of by being too nice. No one is going to feel sorry for you if you are too nice , they’ll just take advantage of you.
It upsets me when I see people that are too nice. They don’t know why their life sucks and they don’t know why they always get screwed over. They feel like shit but they just carry on being nice. They believe good things happen to good people. This is true to a point, but when you’re too nice, it’s going to work against you.
I would never wish this sort of life upon anyone. You might think you’re making people happy but what you’re really doing is making yourself miserable. Keep reading and you’ll learn why…
You Might Be Too Nice If…
- You don’t say no to other people. This includes saying no to your significant other, your family, your friends, your coworkers, managers, and strangers.
- You think being the super nice guy is what will attract women. You might be the sweetest guy that gets flowers for his girlfriend and holds her bag and does everything she wants you to do. In the long run you won’t be seen as a dominant man but a push over that is too nice.
- You over-promise. What happens in the long run is your own lifestyle suffers. You’re always stressed out trying to make other people happy or meet their deadlines.You don’t make time for yourself because you committed to helping too many other people out.
- You never talk back. If you don’t speak your mind or stand up for yourself, people are going to continue to disrespect you and take advantage of how “nice” (or stupid) you are.
- You’re always doing favors for people and they don’t reciprocate. If you give and give and never receive anything (even if you don’t expect it) or when there are times you need some help and you don’t get it, you’re probably too nice.
The Consequences of Being Too Nice
Contrary to popular belief, nothing good comes out of being too nice. This doesn’t mean you should be an asshole and rude to everyone. It just means you need to be smart about what you do for other people.
You don’t owe anyone anything. It is not your job to be a people pleaser.
I’m going to give you a few brief examples of what happens when you’re too nice. Please note these are all real examples.
Nice Guys Get Fired
Hard work pays off. Smart work pays off. Being too nice does not pay off.
Being too nice in the workplace is not the same as an ass-kisser or brown-noser. You are not sucking up to anyone when you’re too nice at work.
I once had a manager (and knew a bunch of other people) that was so afraid of letting other people down that she always said “yes, I can do it.” when the real answer was “I will try” or “no, I can’t.” She was terrible at managing expectations because she didn’t want to upset anyone that asked for something.
Her hope was that by always saying yes and trying to do everything for everyone that she would get on people’s good side. In turn this would lead to her getting promotions, higher pay, and a better life. But good things don’t happen when you’re too nice.
The manager said yes so many times, that she had more than she could handle, every day, every week and never learned. She kept saying yes. She kept being too nice. She kept letting people down. She missed deadlines. People got upset. She got more stressed. And she lost people’s trust. No promotion. No hire pay. And in the end…no more job. (FIRED!)
Nice Guys Get Treated Like a Beta Male
Usually when you go to business school. you’re surrounded by “alpha” type individuals who want to take charge and become leaders. But not everyone understands what it really takes to become alpha.
In this case, a guy in our grad school program thought he was alpha and was going to prove it to everyone by always trying to do all the work in group projects. He was the “I’ll do it” guy. If you ever wanted soemthing done, you’d just have to say who can do this and look at him and he’d say “I can do it.”
This guy thought by doing all the work, more people would like him and think of him highly. But remember nice guys always get shitted on.
The plan backfired on Mister “I’ll do it”. Instead of becoming “the man” he became the beta male. People treated him like he was below them and was only seen as a do-er, not a leader. He got taken advantage of and had a reputation of “just have him do it.” He eventually hated business school, made no friends, and hasn’t been heard from since graduating.
Nice Guys Waste Their Money
This is going to be a split story about friends and lovers. I’ll make it more general instead of telling any specific story.
There are many, many men in this world that think paying for everything is the way to impress people. They pay for other people’s meals, coffee, and drinks. They always say “don’t worry about it…I got it.” With women, these nice guys try to buy their way into a woman’s pants by buying expensive gifts, flowers, dinners and whatever else you nice guys buy.
Don’t be an idiot. It never ends well for a nice guy.
These nice guys end up just wasting their money. And usually they’ll end up with a broken heart. Girls like a gentleman but also like to be independent. There is more than just money. But nice guys don’t always know that.
People take advantage of men like this. Then they kick them to the curb when they aren’t needed any more. Do you want this to happen to you?
How To Stop Being So Nice
Being too nice is like a disease, you don’t know you have it until it’s too late. Then when you have this too nice disease, it slowly kills you.
It’s never easy to change. And if you’re too nice, then everyone already knows you’re too nice. People like when you’re nice because they can take advantage of you and abuse your nice-ness. When you try to stop being so nice, people are going to get upset at you. But you must stay strong.
If you want to stop getting taken advantage of and start setting up boundaries for others, do the following:
- Recognize and acknowledge that you’re too damn nice – knowing is half the battle
- Start saying “No”, but if that’s too hard in the beginning start with “I don’t know” or “I’ll see” or “Yea, maybe, I’ll try” and build up the courage to say “No”
- Start being selfish. You’ve spent all this time trying to please others but you need to start pleasing yourself. Put your own priorities first.
- If you pay for everything. Just stop. It’s not your job to spend your hard earned cash on everyone, everytime. Whether its family, friends or loved ones, there should be a balance. You shouldn’t always be the one giving.
There are a lot of consequences of being too nice. Almost all of them are negative.
Are there good consequences of being nice? Yes, yes there are. But we’re not talking about being friendly and helpful here. We’re talking about being too nice to an extreme level where you are no longer happy because you’re so nice.
If you help people, if you do something nice for someone, if you pick up a tab, it should be on your terms. Not because you feel like you have to or because you think this is how you are going to get people to like you.