I was going to title this article “Why Am I So Afraid?” but I think that would generalize what I want to discuss right now. So instead, this is going to be article about not being so scared over the little things.
Now, full disclosure, I don’t think I really buy into the idea that you can have no fear or never be scared. Maybe it’s possible, but even I’m scared of certain things like death, rats and a bunch of other crazy things.
But I don’t think you should be scared of silly things.
I learned the hard way.
I used to always be in my own head. I talked myself out of countless things. I didn’t do stuff I now find easy and simple because I was “scared.”
My mind was my worst enemy. And I think for you guys that are scared, it might be the same. So let’s stop that today.
But first, a story.
Today I was at Starbucks and a boyfriend/girlfriend couple came and sat next to me at the communal table. They seemed happy to be in the city. Perhaps they were visiting from out of town or something.
Sadly, their Starbucks experience didn’t go as well as it could have.
When they sat down, the girlfriend had her cup of coffee and her boyfriend bought a pre-made salad. But he didn’t have a fork. He mentioned how he couldn’t find forks anywhere. So I said to the guy “you can go to the cashier and ask for a plastic fork. They should have them there.”
He looked at me and said ok thanks. But he didn’t go. He was too afraid. Then he mentioned to his girlfriend, “I’ll go ask for a fork later I guess.” But he never did. You could see the concerned look on his face. Perhaps he had some social anxiety. And I really felt bad for him because he couldn’t eat his salad, but I did my part by telling him what he had to do.
But there’s a second part of this story.
Not only did the boyfriend not get his fork because he was afraid to ask for one (afraid of rejection? I have no idea). But then his girlfriend says to him (yes I sort of was listening but I was also on my phone and conversations carry)…”I’m going to go the bathroom, you figure out where we’re going to go next.”
So then she looks at the bathroom and says “oh no they have a code thing on the door. I don’t know the code.”
I didn’t want to interject again and say “You can ask them for the code.” Even though that probably would have been helpful. Tip: Starbucks in NYC change the codes to these bathrooms all the time now. I have no idea why. Homeless people sleeping in them, maybe.
The boyfriend says to her “Just go in after someone comes out.” Clearly she had to go. And you know how it is when you have to go! But again, she was too afraid. Instead she said no its ok. And looked disappointed. They eventually left.
Again too afraid over such silly things.
Now I know a lot of us are like this.
Just like these two they were afraid of asking for help over something really small.
Sometimes we build things up into bigger things than they are because we are afraid. When this happens, you have to try to take a step back and ask yourself is what you’re scared of silly? And should you really have any fear?
What’s the worse someone can say or do to you?
Unless you’re going to do something super crazy, illegal, or insanely stupid, the chances are people are going to be nice and helpful.
- Next time you need help – ASK
- Next time you think you’re going to look stupid for doing something – THINK AGAIN
- Next time you are afraid of doing something – ASK YOURSELF IF OTHER PEOPLE HAVE PROBABLY DONE WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. If the answer is YES, then do it.
Realize that most of your fears are in your head.
Living life with limits due to fear or being scared sucks. I’ve done it in the past and it’s not a good feeling. You feel like you’re holding yourself back or not getting what you should have in life.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. And don’t be so scared over silly things.
Be Bold. Be Alpha.