Are you a beta male? Do you wish your life was different because you are unhappy with the life you are living? Keep reading to find out if you are a beta male. The world is populated by beta males.
The worst thing you can be is an uneducated male that has beta male tendencies.
Knowing you are a beta male and why you are beta is the first step in becoming Alpha. Below we list out the beta male traits and beta male characteristics so you can see where you fall in the spectrum of beta. Let’s briefly describe how one becomes a Beta Male…
How Are Beta Males are Created
We are born we are helpless. You do not come into this world as an alpha male or a beta male. There are several ideas about why we some of us are beta males.
- The way a child is raised
- The rise of the feminist movement
- The lack of a father figure
You can argue that beta males are raised or through life events or through evolution. We go into this in more detail in The Book of Alpha. Beta males usually lack an alpha mentor like a father figure or a good role model. The masculine father figure was replaced by a women that raised her boy into a beta male. This caused boys growing into men to believe that a women’s definition of a man was right. And any other idea of a man was wrong. Other’s may argue that we are all descendants of beta male cavemen. When cavemen lived in a small society populated by very few people, any cavemen that stood out or acted alpha became an outcast. These alpha males were looked down upon by everyone including the opposite sex, which resulted in alpha males not reproducing. As a result only beta males reproduced.
The goal is to stop being a beta male.
The idea of how beta males come about can be debated forever. We don’t want to waste too much time here pondering why beta males are beta males, but rather show you what is a beta male so one can take the right steps to begin to be alpha.
Beta male characteristics / Beta Male Traits
The goal of the below is to list out traits and characteristics of a beta male so you can tell if you are beta. If you are, then do yourself a favor and learn the traits and characteristics of an alpha male and take control of your life.
Focused on doing what other’s want them to do
Beta males never rock the boat. They are afraid to stand out. Betas do as they are told and nothing more because they don’t want to get in trouble or get anyone upset. They are trained to color within the lines and not say anything that could embarrass themselves or anyone else.
Beta males are often viewed as being “the nice guy”. Betas are always seeking external approval so they shy away from doing anything that could be considered rude. They go out of their way to please people, subconsciously trying to “win” one’s affection or approval over. Beta males love to be liked. And hate to be disliked.
Always Searching for Perfection
Beta males think they need to be perfect. They think people will like them or respect them more if they have are perfect. Betas try to have all the answers, help everyone, look good, have their hair perfect, be the guy that everyone wants them to be. Essentially they make life choices in hopes of obtaining other people’s approval.
Avoids Conflict and Confrontation
Like we said above, beta males have a desire to be liked and wanted. The beta male will avoid conflicts at all costs. This includes disagreeing with other people’s views and statements, to not saying something or asking for something because the fear of a bad reaction. Beta males would rather keep their mouth shut and stay on someone’s good side than upset them. Beta males are afraid of a lot of things, including their own shadows. They don’t want to be called out or get into an argument because they are afraid of people thinking poorly of them. Betas are fearful of the potential consequences of confrontations.
Beta males keep score. If they do a favor for someone, they expect pay back. They don’t do things just to do them. The beta male resents people for what they have and who they are. The beta male resents people when they feel taken advantage of. They don’t make their feelings known to others but secretly resent individuals or groups of people because they feel wronged. The beta wishes others feel how they feel and try to sabotage situations to get back at people.
Require Hand Holding
Beta males want to be told what to do. They often say the following:
- What do you want me to do?
- Just tell me what you want and I’ll do it
Betas are afraid to take the lead and take control of a situation. They don’t want to mess up and do something wrong so they want people to give them instructions. Beta males don’t think of this as “holding my hand.” They believe this is the way they can get people to like them. If they are told what to do and they do that job, then everyone wins. No one really respects an individual that never takes the lead or figures things out themselves.
Someone that is always asking “is this okay?….is this right?….is this how you want me to do it…?” comes off as a follower and never a leader.
Beta males are very indirect. They will never tell you how they really feel. They will do it in a way to try to avoid conflict. The ways a beta male show they are unhappy is through indirect resistance. They will do some of the following:
- Avoid you
- Ignore you
- Misplace or hide things on purpose
- Give off a little attitude
- Roll their eyes but not in front of you
- Fail on purpose
- Not give 100%
- Use sarcasm
- Say hostile jokes
- Say something they dislike and try to change the subject really quickly
Sensitive and Emotional
Beta males believe it is them against the world. When things do not go right they get very upset to the point that they might even cry. When someone says something about them or something associated with the beta male, he believes they are making fun of him or trying to upset him. The beta male gets really upset at this. Even if its all in good fun. If betas do not get what they want, be it something big or something small, they get really upset. They get emotional. They want to scream, punch a hole in the wall, or just turn red in the face.
Beta males try to be on everyone’s good side. When that doesn’t work they can lash out because they think they are “tough.” All they end up doing is turning people off. Being fake nice and trying to intimidate someone does not work. Beta males do not realize this.
Seek approval from others
If you didn’t realize already, beta males want others to like them. It’s one of their biggest desires in life. They’ll do almost anything to get the approval of others. This includes:
- Over promising (always saying yes)
- Buying material items to “fit in”
- Going out of their way to do something for someone
- Putting someone else’s needs first
- Always trying to be the solution guy
Beta males need this external validation from others to feel they are important and wanted.
Hiding mistakes and flaws
Beta males never want to admit they made a mistake or an error. They would rather try to blame someone else for the mistake or hide the mistake for as long as possible, hoping never to get caught or called out. In terms of flaws, beta males try to be perfect. So they go out of their way to try to pretend there is nothing wrong with them and they are perfect little angels. Beta males believe they need to be perfect. This is due to the fact that they do not want to upset or disappoint anyone. Even though in the end this may hurt them more than help them.
Not seen as sexual
Beta males are the nice guy. They are the friend of the girl that they want to sleep with. They aren’t aggressive. No one thinks “sexy” or “sexual” when they think of a beta male. Others associate beta males with sexless or bad in bed. The beta is the guy that tries to buy his way into a girls pants. He wants to go in for the kiss or go in for the kill but is afraid. The beta male hides his sexual desires from the world because he believes wanting sex or love is wrong. He wants everyone to think highly of him and not to associate him with the word “creep” or “player”.
More comfortable around women than men
Beta males don’t like to associate with a lot of masculine men because they think the way these alpha males act is wrong. Betas are taught to think that the ideal man is the beta male. Because of this, beta males relate more two women than men. Betas believe they have very little in common with other men, although their hidden desires may be similar. Betas are ashamed to be like other men so they stay away from them. Girls are a beta males best friend.
The problem solver
Beta males have answers to everything. They never said “I don’t know” or “That is not possible.” They are the ones that say yes, yes yes! Or try to come up with reasons for everything. The beta needs to be the guy that people turn to for all their problems. They are there to listen and give their opinion. They want to make everything right. And that is fine. But sometimes it’s not possible. Worst of all, the beta wants to solve problems for everyone hoping to get more people to like them and eventually repay them in some way in the future. When they receive no reciprocation for their efforts they get very resentful.
Repress their feelings
Betas have desires and feelings just like any other man (or women). The difference between a beta and an alpha male is the beta will hide his desires. He doesn’t want people to judge him.
- If he desires a women he won’t let anyone know. He doesn’t want to get caught having sexual feelings toward someone else.
- If he is upset at someone, he will hold it all in as long as he can. He doesn’t want anyone to know.
What ends up happening is the beta male gets so frustrated with all his repressed feelings that it boils over and he blows up. He starts to hate others and believes they are the root of his problems.
Betas feel guilty if they do things they want to do. In order to not feel guilty, they do things other people want them to do instead.
- If their parents want them to get good grades and they don’t get an A, they feel guilty.
- If they look at a girl and have sexual thoughts, they feel guilty.
- If they buy something for themselves, they feel guilty for doing something nice for themselves.
- If they want to change who they are (like becoming an alpha male), they feel guilty for wanting to be different.
- If they want to do something the social circle wants to do, they feel guilty for speaking up.
Feeling guilty is a terrible feeling so betas try not to do things that make them feel guilty. This includes not letting other people down.
If you’ve read down this far you should realize that beta males are sensitive and emotional. They are not masculine. Betas are not seen in the same light as an alpha male. Betas sabotage themselves not only by how they think but by what they do. Betas are soft and would back down from any confrontation. They are not seen as protectors.
Does not put himself first
Worst of all is that beta males put the needs of others ahead of their own. This is the sad reality of a beta male. The decisions a beta makes are not his alone. He makes choices based on how others will react or with the feelings of others in mind. The beta does not live the life he wants because he is living the life he believes other people want him to live. Betas want to be loved. They want people to like them. They want to be seen as perfect. To a beta male, the only way to be perfect is to do the things other people want them to do, not what he wants to do. Sadly, this makes the beta male resent almost everyone he knows when life doesn’t work out how he really wants it to. At the end of the day the beta male is unhappy and living an unfulfilled life.
You’re Not Alone
If you’ve read the traits and characteristics of a beta male and find that you fit the mold, understand that being a beta male is a choice.
You can be alpha. You will be alpha if you choose to be.
The journey to being an alpha male is not easy. But anyone that has gone through it and made it to the other side know how beautiful life can really be. You can live the life you want.
If you need help or guidance to reclaiming your masculinity and taking control of your life, please use To Be Alpha as a resource. We are here to help. We have helped many men change their life and completely change their outlook on life. We welcome the challenge to helping you.
We are having problems with the mobile / tablet site so you aren’t seeing some links. This is the link to The Book of Alpha (if interested).
- Alpha Male Body Language (Infographic)
- Signs You Might Be A Super Beta Male
- 10 Rules of Alpha
- Alpha Male vs. Beta Male
- Simple Steps To Becoming Alpha (to come)
- What Is An Alpha Male (to come)